Birkebeiner Coverage 2016: Beer Cheese Soupy ‘Sconsin Snow


Hayward Wisconsin Fudge Liquor Sign

Went back ta ‘Sconi fer da Birkie and had a darn good time.  My dog stayed here in Wyoming.  I flewder even tho  I hate airplanes on account of the geoengineerin’ don’tcha know?!


Telemark Lodge is rottin’ into da damn ground despite bein’ made mostly outa concrete.  It breaks my heart to see it closed down.  The Birkie’s goin’ strong tho so that’s nice.

My other favorite Midwest ski spot — Big, Bold, Beckoning Coffee Mill Ski Area — didn’t even open this winter on account of the wacky weather from all dem chemtrails most people pretend don’t exist.

Just like when it got cancelled back in 2000, the blessed Birkiebeiner might nota happened this year, but we got lucky.  Way lucky.

Hayward had just enough snow that a couple 40* days with occasional rain leading up to the race didn’t strip away all that we had.  Coverage was great.  Snow was firm and fast with the right wax.  Thanks to all the groomers.  Great job.

They had their work cut out for ’em that’s fer sure.  Sky was lookin’ rather unnatural in the days leading up to the race with high hazes contributing to the abnormally hot temps.  We even saw a little lightning around Hayward on the Thursday before the race.  Friday it pissed alotta rain by Stone Lake.  Luckily Hayward Lake wasn’t totally flooded with slush or a sheet of ice like some other lakes were.

Race day dawned overcast and above freezin’ but the snow was firm enough for fast skating on soft skis with a lot of structure and expensive fluoros.  My dad set me up with a spare pair of rocket Atomics he had.  We finished off with deep structure, Swix HF10, and some top secret Solda stuff he had.

Max Mogren 2016 Birkie

I was glad to be skatin’ ‘cuz it looked like alotta the classic skiers missed the klister wax.  We passed some of dem like dey were standin’ still.  Ooooooops!
My brother Ben beat me, but we somehow both got into the Elite Wave. FuckinAright.

I was redlinin’ and hyperventilatin’ most of the way, as usual.  I bonked hard with about 2k to go when things got real sloppy on Hayward Lake.  I was rolling along with a strong crew, but was a bit fatter than the rest of them and started really sinking through the crust into the slush.  Ohh Jeez! That sucked!

After the race I got interviewed by the Sawyer County Record for looking goofy.  Then all the muscles in my feet locked up ‘cuz Birkie plus AT boots don’t work the feet like XC boots do.

After gettin’ changed outta my sweaty clothes I figured the best thing to do would be to get some electrolytes in me and elevate my feet.  I headed over to Angler’s for a bloody mary.

There wasn’t anywhere left to sit, so I had another bloody mary instead ‘cuz electrolytes.  My brother was there and he knows damn near everybody, which is nice.  After one more we were ready to head fer the Moccassin Bar which was packed to the gills.


Holy shit!  The Moccassin is FOR SALE and damn near everybody was talkin’ about how they’re gonna buy it but not really, just wishful thinkin’.  We polished off quite a few pictures of Leinie’s  there, I bought a sweet leather vest, and people started makin’ fun of my “Southern” accent which is why I’m pokin’ a lil’ fun right now.

After gettin’ a good beer buzz goin’ we hopped in Ben’s new truck and headed to a beer and cheese tastin’ on a nearby lake.  I don’t know how he did it but Ben stayed sober.  After a few hours there we went to the Sawmill Saloon for pizza.  The ATM totally ripped me off there but the guys there set it all straight as expected.

By this time it was well after dark and all that ski racin’ was catchin’ up to me.  I’m not as young as I used to be but my mom still worries about me drinkin’ too hard so we headed back to the cabin and cleaned ourselves up before bed.


What else?  My Dad is probably still faster than your Dad if not you too, and he grooms a damn good skate track just by draggin’ a burned up old box spring around behind his snowmobile.  Half my official trainin’ for this year’s Birkie happened out on the lake on the Wednesday and Thursday before the rest.  Friday we rested cuz’ taperin’ off a bit is a wise thing to do.

My Mom took great care of us all this year as usual.  Thanks Mom.  I love ya.

Got to go for a long moonlit snowmobile ride with my Dad too.  That was pretty special.  He traded in two old beater sleds for one nice new one, so I had to ride on the back which was fine with me cuz’ he’s my Dad.

All I could see was the back of his head and the bottom third of tall, tall trees lit up by his headlights on both sides of the trail.  It was one of those memorable moments, if ya know what I mean.


Holy shit!  There’s a damn moose eatin’ all the buddin’ branches off the trees in the backyard.  I guess I’d better go encourage him to move along before heading off to tend the Silver Dollar Bar back here in lovely Jackson, Wyoming.

Good times?  Great times.  Thanks to all you ‘Sconsinites and Minnesotans!  There’s no place I’d rather be from.

Ohh yeah, also went skatin’ today up in GTNP. The whole valley is perfectly groomed for skatin’ right now if you know what I mean.  Get some!

Hayward Wisconsin Fish Hall of Fame and Museum



3 thoughts on “Birkebeiner Coverage 2016: Beer Cheese Soupy ‘Sconsin Snow”

  1. Very entertaining blog, thanks! Sad picture of Telemark Lodge, though. I grew up in Madison and it was the highlight of the winter to go “up north” to alpine ski at Telemark. I’m headed back there (I’m in SLC now, used to live in Jackson) to watch my son race at nordic junior nationals and am looking forward to skiing the Birkie trails. I’ll follow your lead and finish the day with electrolytes and Leinie’s at Anglers. Cheers!

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