Teton Gravity Research recently dissed 2x Olympic Gold Medalist Shaun White for being a corporate media whore.  Ironically, Teton Gravity Research is a corporate media whore-ganization.

A pack of aging whores accusing a younger and more successful whore of being a whore is no doubt newsworthy, so here we go.

On February 6th, 2014 TGR Associate Editor Ryan Dunfee published an erratic blog titled “Shaun White’s Guide to Milking the Olympic Spotlight“.  This prominently featured but poorly-received post appeared on the tail end of an “alternative” news cycle ridiculing White for dropping out of the slopestyle competition at the ongoing Olympics in beautiful Sochi, Russia.

TGR’s half-baked blog pokes fun at White for:

1) getting a haircut (15 months ago)

2) being interviewed by Snowboarder Magazine (WTF?  BFD.)

3) having overly dramatic movies made about him (TGR’s schtick)

4) qualifying for the Olympics in halfpipe and slopestyle (loser!)

5) deciding not to compete in the slopestyle event (free will)

6) wearing  “women’s” pants (hypocritical homophobia?)

and

7) posting pictures of himself on Facebook (who hasn’t done this?).

Regarding his decision to drop out of the slopestyle competition, White cited concerns about course safety and a wrist injury sustained in practice, adding that he hoped to focus solely on the halfpipe competition, where he earned gold medals at both the 2006 and 2010 Olympics.

Shaun probably dropped out because he can’t compete with the latest crop of slopestyle riders, but who are we to judge?

An aging warhorse of the competitive snowboard racket at the  tender age of 27, White has enough on his back already and doesn’t need more jealousy-filled saddlebags weighing him down.

Perhaps this isn’t the best time for TGR to air out spoiled beefs since White is currently representing our evil empire at an international brotherhood building competition.

I’m curious what sense of entitlement fills Dunfee and TGR with the perceived right to potshot US Olympians on the eve of the big show.

Even I know that’s wrong, and I’m no cyber-saint.

Self-proclaimed “core” snowboarders have always hated on White, but now the “alternative” US media has turned on him as well.

It seems America’s next Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods,  Michael Jackson, or Martha Stewart is in the mainstream Decepticons’ sights and destined for humiliation on the pillory of public opinion.

The only question seems to be “how?”.

How will the media cannibalize and demonize another American hero?  What story will they spin?  What pressure will they apply?  Will Shaun get choked out, crack up, or keep his cool and crush it?

Hopefully Shaun pulls a bonafied Michael Phelps and dominates his 3rd consecutive Olympic halfpipe competition while puffing on a hash pipe.  I don’t know if White smokes but hopefully he does because such a talented, clean cut, outspoken, and composed young man would be a great advocate for universal weed legalization.

On a more personal note, I feel bad for Shaun even though he is competing in his 3rd Olympics, pulls in a cool $10 million annually, and probably nails more tail than I can even imagine.  I feel bad for Shaun because he’s been under intense pressure since childhood, now finds himself nearing the end of his competitive career, has a massive public image to keep up with, gets hated on by his own peers, and can’t possibly be comfortable wearing pants that tight. 🙂

White is arguably the biggest sellout in snowboarding history but he does shred harder than most of us can conceive in our wildest dreams.  Put White atop a kicker, slopestyle course, halfpipe, or big mountain line and he will probably slay it.  The kid’s in his 3rd Olympics, after all.

Put TGR poster-manboy snowboarder Jeremy Jones atop a slopestyle course or halfpipe and see how well he fares.  My gut sez the one über-pro exempted from doing tricks wouldn’t perform very well.  Even Jones in his heyday, at his peak performance, competing against the best riders of that particular time period , wouldn’t stand a chance in the park, pipe, or in any freestyle competition.

“Whoa!  Wait a second.  Why all the hate, bro?  Where’s the love?!,” some readers are surely thinking right now.

The love is in my heart and the perceived hate doesn’t exist.   TGR  just publicly bashed America’s poster-boy during the Olympics, so let’s see if TGR can take a shot of the medicine they dole out.

This article is for educational purposes only.  I don’t even like beef.

Is TGR’s 39 year old poster-boy so sacred to snow sports that his talents, motivations, and public persona cannot be criticized?  Jones is a celebrity, a public figure — a borderline politician even — so what’s wrong with grilling him a bit if slamming Shaun White is OK?

Jeremy Jones is without question one of the best big mountain freeriders of all time.  That said, carving couloirs, side-slipping spines, and stomping smallish straight airs in perfect powder while a few friends record you for a professionally edited film is NOT more difficult or impressive than consistently throwing huge inverted quadruple “what-the-fuck-was-thats” to hardpack landings in front of a live global audience.

Shaun White could eat Jeremy Jones for breakfast, and if he smoothly transitions to big mountain riding he will.

“But why are you ripping on Jones if you have beef with TGR?”

What most people don’t realize is that Jeremy Jones is TGR.  TGR was founded by Jeremy Jones’ older brothers, and Jeremy has been featured in most TGR films since their first release in 1996.  Eighteen years later TGR is completing a trilogy about Jones in hopes of selling a lifestyle, a philosophy, a political agenda, and lots of $1,200 carbon fiber snowboards.

In the mid-90s’ the two older Jones brothers started a small ski porn production company, but it has grown and morphed into something else entirely.  Since 2007 Jones, Jones, Jones & Co. (aka TGR) have been having their cake, eating it too, laughing all the way to the bank, and telling at least one big, blatant lie to the youth.

Could now be the time for a little unadulterated truth?

Jeremy Jones  (JJ) has attained such colossal success because his family’s media company has carefully crafted his public persona for the last 18 years.   In recent years TGR has propelled JJ into the mainstream media spotlight and made him the “voice of environmentalism” for the US snow sports community.

Despite its pseudo-renegade, trustafarian, wanna-be-pirate branding TGR is very much a part of the corporate mainstream media.  That’s why TGR has corporate sponsors and frequently gets favorable coverage in the big media outlets.  That’s why JJ is Obama’s “Champion of Change“, Red Bull’s “Winter Warrior“,  and National Geographic’s “Adventurer of the Year“.  That’s why JJ is promoted as a pioneer mountain man and passionate environmentalist by the biggest mainstream media outlets like The New York Times and 60 Minutes.

60 Minutes calls JJ a “snowboarding pioneer” and I’m sure they’ll promote his “environmentalism” in the full TV segment scheduled to air this March.   Almost every recent report about JJ paints him as the pioneer of splitboarding and praises his “environmentalism”.

The problem is that JJ is not an environmentalist.  Not even a little bit.  JJ’s “environmentalism” is limited to promoting one side of the mainstream media’s intentionally-misleading “debate” on climate change.

Specifically, JJ tells us that human carbon emissions are the sole cause of climate change and that taxing carbon to fund bigger government is the solution.

Al Gore has been publicly ridiculed for saying similar things, but JJ comes off humble, sincere, and legit enough to get away with it.

Because Jeremy Jones is so sacred to the snow sports community he has been chosen to win the hearts and minds of a new generation of American suckers.  JJ is controlled opposition, controlled dissent, a (wealthy) corporate-campaigner promoting a blatantly false political agenda disguised as environmentalism.

Thus JJ and TGR need to be called out on their bullshit.  Since nobody else is volunteering, I’ll do it.

Please remember that Jeremy Jones is TGR because TGR is a family affair, and blood is thicker than water.  Bullshit is thicker than blood, but a wet slide avalanche of awareness is as thick as it gets.  All of the above are thicker than Coors Light, which is GMO yeast piss.

In my opinion Jeremy Jones is an even bigger sellout than Shaun White because in addition to pimping a plethora of products, TGR styles JJ as a pioneer of 1) splitboarding, 2) snowboard mountaineering, and 3) adventure travel, all of which he is most certainly NOT.

The mere titles of TGR’s “DEEPER. FURTHER. HIGHER.” trilogy imply groundbreaking, next-level, people-powered backcountry adventure.  Do these films really deliver what they’re claiming?

In the teaser for HIGHER Jeremy speaks of, “another frontier, the human-powered experience in the mountains” conveniently overlooking the actual pioneers of the “frontier”JJ recently discovered: badass snowboarders who were climbing and riding big mountains with better uphill ethics and true style 25+ years ago.

A decade before JJ started raping peaks with helicopters, and two decades before JJ realized heliboarding wasn’t the epitome of the mountain experience, the actual pioneers of big mountain, human-powered snowboarding were quietly hiking up, roping up, climbing up, and riding back down.

Jones has only delved into real snowboard mountaineering in recent years and has a long way to go before his accomplishments will rival the true giants of that realm.  Already 39, JJ’s odds look slim.

JJ’s mountaineering “expertise” is nicely showcased by his 2013 ascent of the Grand Teton, which was professionally guided by EXUM Mountain Guides.  True pioneers generally become guides versus having to hire guides, because no guides exist before the pioneers get there.

The trailer for HIGHER reveals at least two additional people — and perhaps as many as four — accompanying JJ and legendary freestyler Bryan Iguchi to the summit of Wyoming’s Grand Teton.

Bryan Iguchi is a true pioneer within freestyle snowboarding and mountain culture, and makes no claims to be a pioneering force of 1) splitboarding, 2) snowboard mountaineering, or 3) adventure travel.

TGR’s monotonous trilogy tells a much different story about JJ.

Humans have been strapping boards to their feet and ascending snowy slopes for the last 7000 years but in TGR’s version of history earned turns became newsworthy around 2007 when they started greenwashing the family business with the founding of their profitable non-profit propaganda arm Protect Our Winters (POW).

Jones portays himself as an environmentalist whose love of ski town economies and hatred of CO2 (damn you CO2!) has steered him away from helicopters and snowmachines (sometimes) and magically morphed him into a pioneering force in the movement toward “sustainable” snowboarding.

Kindly disregard the decade of wasteful heliboarding where Jones made a name for himself,  the products he currently pimps, the consumerism he takes part in, the wasteful travel he promotes, the jets he flies around the world in, the bush planes dropping him off on remote glaciers, and the helicopters filming him as he “earns his turns” and “saves winter” from CO2 (damn you CO2!).

According to self-proclaimed climate expert Jeremy Jones and POW, the only factor of any concern in our changing climate is CO2 and the solution is a bigger government collecting carbon taxes.

According to POW we should all disregard the fleet of planes inducing artificial cirrus clouds in the sky 24/7/365 because those couldn’t possibly be influencing our weather and climate, despite what NASA, UCLA, and the established scientific consensus says.

In short, jet trails form cirrus clouds that warm Earth’s surface.  An average of 12,000 jets are airborne simultaneously 24/7.  Some of these jets induce clouds, and some of them don’t.  Look up and see.

Water is a more powerful greenhouse gas than CO2 and it has a much bigger influence on weather and climate than CO2 does.

Cloud seeding (aka aerosol geoengineering) has been around since 1946.  It is a technology designed to alter water’s behavior in Earth’s atmosphere by inducing cloud formation and/or precipitation.

Humans are currently using large jet aircraft to intentionally manipulate the weather on a massive scale far beyond localized cloud seeding operations.  Anyone who needs proof of this needs only study the skies over their own head or watch this video:

Geoengineering timelapses from Germany, California, and Chicago.  Song: Y’all ‘Scuse Me by Lightnin’ Hopkins’ featuring John Lee Hooker from Lightnin’s classic 1972 album “It’s a Sin to Be Rich”.

The capability to intentionally change the climate is currently being used covertly for political, financial, and military reasons: far less noble motivations than saving the planet.

POW focuses only on CO2 emissions, which is anti-scientific BS.

If your snow currently sucks, JJ, POW, and TGR are partly to blame because the mainstream media smokescreen they take part in allows the ongoing gang rape of our planet’s atmosphere to continue.

Though a Google News Search for “geoengineering” currently brings up thousands of recent mainstream articles on this “proposed solution to climate change”, and the truly independent media has covered this topic more honestly and in much greater depth since 1997, neither JJ, POW, nor TGR has even acknowledged the topic’s existence.

Real environmentalists address the real issues, including the “proposed solutions” that are actually contributing to our problems.

The problem with fake environmentalists like JJ and POW is that they distract the rest of us from the actual environmental issues.

Thus those of us who haven’t sold out and actually seek to share the truth about important issues that affect us all are obligated to expose fake motherfuckers like JJ, POW, and TGR.

And I mean “motherfucker” literally because OUR Mother is Earth.

***

All introductions aside, it truly is newsworthy that TGR recently called out Shaun White for being a sellout because TGR sold out long ago and has played a prominent yet pathetic role in the covert corporate takeover of snow sports and adventure culture ever since.

It’s time for TGR to realize that their shit stinks too…

so without any further ado…

I present to you…

TGR’s Guide to Milking the Spotlight (and Regurgitating the Same Script) for 18 Years

1.  Keep it simple, stupid.  The best pornography doesn’t attempt to incorporate a plot and the same is true of ski porn.  From the late ’90s through 2013 the basic elements of TGR’s signature ski films have remained the same.  These films have no real story, but they all follow the same basic theme: wealthy, entitled, carefree people jetting around the planet and skiing powder.

If a jumble of visually stimulating images set to music was a hit last year, a jumble of visually stimulating images set to music is what we’ll get again this year.

The only time TGR  loses their audience is when they start looking for a plot.  DEEPER,  FURTHER, and HIGHER (The Legendary Trilogy of Jeremy Jones) is a good example of this: ski bums may be dumb but we can spot contrived BS from a mile away.

2.  Shuffle the deck.  The key to making the same movie over and over again is to switch up the order of scenes.  Select your scenes at random to keep the audience engaged in the same plotless, thoughtless powder porn year after year.  The basic format looks something like this:

Opening segment, intro shred montage, old pro segment, new kid segment, park/pipe/urban segment, Jackson Hole segment, deep pow slo-mo segment, adventure travel segment,  obligatory female segment, trendy cause segment, juvenile drunken antics segment, adventure travel segment #2, soulful interview about man’s relationship to mountains, Alaska big mountain heli rape fantasy, roll credits, and that’s a wrap!

Minor tweaks to the scene order are all that’s needed to come out with a completely different version of the same movie year after year after year!

3.  Incorporate the latest fads.  People won’t notice that you’re making the same movie over and over again if you’re always on the cutting edge of ski fashion and technology.  Whatever’s currently novel will keep people watching: heli skiing, base jumping, squirrel suits, speed flying, slednecks, fat skis, floppy skis, jam bands, hip hop, technopop, rip stop, 3D, dark clothes, bright clothes, air bags, wind bags, douche bags, drone cams, dive bars, PBRs… or even soft-spoken people earning their turns and respecting the mountains.

Fame and fortune are fickle pursuits, and the difference between what’s hot and what’s not is subtle.  This means walking a fine line while gazing towards the horizon, a difficult thing to do while drunk but rather easy on cocaine.

The important thing is to label every fad as “the next big thing in snow sports” and to market your athletes as pioneers of “the next big thing”.  That way you’ll always be relevant, even when you’re not.

4.  Sell as much shit as possible.  If you’ve already sold your soul you may as well sell everything else.

TGR has made a masterpiece of selling schwag whether it’s TGR shit, POW shit, Jones shit (which is actually good shit!), assorted sponsors’ shit, cross-promotional shit, online advertising, celebrity endorsements, token trustafarian segments (yes, people pay to be in ski porn), party & premier tickets, DVDs, hats, stickers, t shirts, etc.

Contrary to the naive notions held by aspiring adventure sports filmmakers, the real money is in conventional pornography.  If you’re hellbent on making adventure porn the money  comes from corporate financiers and, of course, from selling shit.  Making movies is merely a promotional tool for attracting bigger investors and selling more shit.

5.  Harvest the youth.  Unfortunately, hucking oneself off of kickers and cliffs takes a toll on the body, so it’s hard to get more than a few years of quality footage out of any one athlete, unless that athlete is your baby brother and he’s exempted from doing tricks.

TGR has mastered the art of harvesting talent, exploiting it, and casting it aside.  Their annual Grom Contest encourages kids under 18 to submit videos of themselves risking life and limb (how is this even legal?).  Their recent CO-LAB Contest tantalizes skiers and filmmakers of all ages to submit footage of themselves risking life and limb for a chance at a winner-take-all $100,000 cash prize!

Naturally, TGR recoups that $100,000 expense by enjoying exclusive rights to the CO-LAB ski film they make from all that submitted footage.  CO-LAB may be “Of the people.  By the people.  For the people.” but it’s only profitable for lucky one winner and, of course, TGR.

Every year dozens of established and upstart companies make the same sort of movie TGR does so competition is fierce.  One of the best strategies for staying on top is stealing the top talent from production companies that are just getting started.

People who’ve followed TGR for the last decade are surely familiar with the names Dana Flahr, Ian McIntosh, Sammy Carlson, and Tim Durtschi: four of TGR’s biggest names and the stars of TGR’s latest film “WAY OF LIFE” (2013).  If you want to see all of these stars skiing in an awesome film made ten years earlier check out Rage Films’ 2004 release”STIMULUS“, where all of these standouts appeared years before they began shooting with TGR.

If you want to know where TGR got their inspiration for “WAY OF LIFE” check out Rage Film’s 2008 release “SUCH IS LIFE“.   Rage’s official press release for “SUCH IS LIFE” (2008) begins as follows:

“The making of a ski film is not a hobby for us, but a way of life.“

Imitation is a heck of a compliment, but plagiarism is criminal (or at least it used to be).  Then again, if every ski porn production company keeps making the same movie year after year, there will certainly be overlap in regards to athletes, titles, plotlessness, etc.

Another important aspect to TGR’s continuing success is therefore…

6.  HYPE, HYPE, HYPE.  The key to making your movie stand out as the cutting edge of ski porn, ski culture, and ski talent is hype, hype, hype, hype and more hype.  The key to generating hype is having a building full of bloggers, artists, editors, social media trolls, and assorted shit-sprayers at your disposal.

On any given weekday there are at least a dozen cars parked in the lot at TGR’s pirate-flag-adorned HQ in beautiful Wilson, Wyoming.

Moderating your own forums, incentivizing people to share your posts with prizes, and continually claiming to be the corest segment of the corey core-core is the key to making your films feel special though the skiing itself isn’t any better than what several other crews are simultaneously putting out.

Employing a large hype staff is expensive, but not if you…

7.  Don’t pay most of your staff.  Everybody wants to live in Jackson Hole because TGR has been pimping the place so hard for the last 18 years.  Since TGR’s audience is rich kids who ski and wealthy grownups who wish they were still kids, it’s easy to keep a steady stream of independently wealthy and trustafarian interns flowing.

These people are so stoked to work at TGR that they do it for free.

At the present moment TGR is seeking to fill 1 paid position and 3 unpaid internships.  This seems to be their modus operandi: by only paying 1/4 of their employees more hype can be generated at a much lower cost.

Continually hyping oneself up gets old, however, so it’s essential to…

8.  Find a safe cause to promote.  Promoting a cause that everybody can agree upon makes hyping yourself up more acceptable.  TGR created POW so they could look better while generating more hype.  This aspect of TGR’s strategy is worth really looking into because it’s been carrying their asses since ~2007.

Let’s use the National Football League, a profitable non-profit organization just like POW, as an example.  The NFL occasionally forces it’s players to wear bright pink for several reasons:

a) Everybody loves boobs.

b) Everbody hates cancer.

c) Supporting women’s health makes the NFL look good and gets it’s players laid more often.

d) Ongoing research into *not* finding a cure for cancer is big business, so the NFL gets kickbacks from the pink ribbon kooks.

e) Pretending that cancer isn’t cure-able encourages the masses  to overlook the fact that cancer is largely preventable and that THC oil (weed) cures cancer.

The medical mafia profits from overpriced and ineffective treatments, the cancer charities profit from endless donations, the NFL profits from a PR boost, and millions of people who could have avoided cancer through preventative measures get raped financially by ineffective treatments before dying needlessly on the altar of disinformation.  Remember folks: knowledge is power.

Good scam, huh?

When they’re not pimping pink ribbons the NFL rocks camo and “Supports Our Troops” for similar reasons.  War is a racket too.

JJ-TGR-POW continually spews bullshit about CO2 and climate change for reasons similar to the NFL’s pink & camo ribbon scams:

a) All skiers and snowboarders love snow.

b) Everybody hates it when the snow sucks or doesn’t exist.

c) Pretending that CO2 will make it too warm for snow makes JJ-TGR-POW look responsible, considerate, and serious.  If anyone accuses JJ-TGR-POW of overhyping themselves, they can pretend their main motivation is to “save winter”.

d) CO2 propaganda covering up ongoing climate manipulation programs is big business, so JJ-TGR-POW gets kickbacks from the politicians, media outlets, and financial interests benefiting from their complicity in spreading the “official” BS.

e) Pretending that CO2 is changing the climate encourages the masses to overlook the fact that people are currently playing god with our weather on a global scale for covert financial, military, and political reasons.  Proposed geoengineering “solutions to climate change” are already being used to change the climate covertly.

Pink ribbons don’t cure cancer any more than POW is curing climate change.  Get it?  Good.

TGR has also dabbled with connecting itself to the fight against plastic in the oceans.  Fortunately for the surfing world TGR’s surf movies have never really taken off because most of TGR’s core audience can’t actually surf.

Unfortunately, TGR has found fertile fields of ignorance to sow with disinformation by incorporating the BS Climate Change Agenda into their incessant spray of hype.

9.  Always keep it corporate.  Latching onto a *safe* cause and avoiding real controversy on actual issues is crucial because stirring up the intellectual pot threatens the scum who’ve settled at the top.  In all things TGR and wanna-be-sellouts who follow in their footsteps must toe the line when it comes to keeping sponsors, financiers, and mainstream media gatekeepers happy.

Corporate America loves consistency and conformity.  That’s why McDonald’s fakeburgers globally must be as close to identical as possible.  That’s why TGR is successful as well: they make repetitive, meaningless, distracting movies that don’t upset the status quo.

True controversy on the big issues is suicide for a profit-driven media outlet.  Making a living sharing the actual truth on actual issues regardless of who’s toes get stepped on has always been difficult and in our modern corporate oligarchy it is next to impossible.

TGR’s strategy in this regard is simple.  They always do the exact opposite of the business strategy laid out by Sean Farmer in his incredible 1991 Fall Line Films segment “Farmer’s Way”:

If you do watch this video in it’s entirely — and I sincerely hope you do — please pay close attention to the lyrics.  Farmer was the real deal and he told it like it is.  Also notice the deep blue cloudless skies in most of the riding shots: the geoengineers didn’t start raping our sky wholeheartedly until 1997 and it’s only gotten really bad recently.

Fuck it.  Here’s the lyrics.  This article is officially on hold while we pay homage to one of the true greats: a snowboarder who was stomping stylish 50 foot airs and calling out corporate whores six years before TGR’s first film.

“Farmer’s Way” by Shawn Farmer (1991)*

This is the greatest fucking rhyme of all time, drill a hole in your head and pour it into your mind, and take it into your brain I’m talking mainline, ‘cos I can lock in on a topic, just like a smith grind.

Check into a motel 6 and kick the walls out, when I’m raging on my stick I’m going balls out. Ignored by people much too long, maybe that’s why I wrote this song. Man I’m tired of playing the underdog.

Finally the media’s eyes open up. Datsun’s by the roadside broken up, dreaming and crying for the glory days, still lost in one of my sprays. Man of the future? Huh? Man of the past. Fact of the matter is  I’m here to last, cos I ain’t going away. Sooner or later somebody’s gonna have to pay ‘cos I’ll be so damned big they can’t get out of my way.

We do it my way this is my resume
We do it my way what did I say?
We do it my way this is my resume
We do it my way what did I say?

People of the industry would like to dismiss me, just because I don’t grovel like a lot of you sissies that I see are kissing butt. What? You can give me product, that’s cool I guess, that way I can go and trade the product for sex. I need money to live, you got a head like a sieve? What’s the problem you got shit in your ears?

You gotta be blind not to see, I ride lines extreme, nobody’s sicker than me, I can’t take it no more, weak whores are gettin’ nowhere, I say weed em’ out like a pack of poseurs, they’re on the rag, I’m gettin air off the lip, next thing I know they’re on some kind of ego trip.  Don’t get me wrong I love air in the pipe, but when I do an air I’m usually riskin’ my life.

Gettin’ back to the subject from which I’m digressing, I’m tired of you pussheads and all your BS-ing. Put your money where your mouth is, and start fessing right in front of your friends, I’m gonna teach you a lesson. So what you tie-wearing fools got to say to me? Shut the hell up and tell me where’s the integrity? One day you’ll be begging me but by then it will be much too late ‘cos everything in my world will be custom hand made. You have to see my proposal man? You can see it today.

HOOK

Getting raw at Squaw feelin’ ten feet tall, just having a ball I’m here to tell you all about one of the baddest – the man who has attained ambassadorial status. Call him Nickolata call him Perata, call him badder than my style? I’d have to say nada, he’s my equal and my bro brah, lethal as a cobra, Ali to my Joker, poppin’ past a sign now the whole damn powder field is Nick’s and mine.

50-foot air, point and duck cuz’ I want more.  Boink and poke and spin and I stick it like it’s never been stuck before. Uh-oh, ski patrol, and I’m holding a half, I look at Nick. Ha! We just laugh. Their faces turn red as we blast overhead. Nick styles a backflip, I throw it front. We both stick it – it’s a routine stunt. We point it straight now and we’re runnin’ our fastest. Patrol’s tryin’ but they can’t get our asses, besides we can’t let ‘em we don’t even got passes.

Run across the parking lot, get into the sis’ car. She wants the dick cuz’ we’re both stars. Back in the pad we work her over and then slap a high five, and trade ends. There’s nothing like doing a ho with your friend. It ain’t if we win or we lose when we play, it’s how many rules can we break? I could say more but what can I say?

HOOK

Farmer’s motherfuckin’ Way.

*Apologies for where the lyrics are screwed up. I copied the lyrics from Whitelines and corrected the obvious errors I caught.

Remember: keeping it corporate means doing the exact opposite of what Farmer would have done in 1991.

TGR can’t even respond to this article because acknowledging an article about geoengineering would piss off their financiers and scare the mainstream media away.

10.  Rewrite history with yourself at the center of the snow sports universe.  People all over the world who speak a multitude of languages — notably French — have been pushing out the boundaries of snow sports over the course of the last century.  Even within the US alone, the recent rapid progression in skiing, snowboarding, and mountaineering is the result of a collective coast-to-coast effort.

Despite the obvious, the best way to achieve staying power is to claim sole pioneer status.  Farmer may have been stomping stylish grabs off 50 foot cliffs six years before the Jones boys filmed themselves rolling down the windows at Grand Targhee, but TGR’s audience doesn’t need to know that!

The Legend of Jeremy Jones Trilogy is a prime example of TGR’s continual quest to become the modern day equivalent to Warren Miller, to sell even more schwag, and to push a BS political agenda.

Due to social media and the viral propagation of modern culture that’s not going to happen.  Please do your part and share this article.

In closing, this article certainly hits close to home because I live right down the road from TGR HQ.  I’ll certainly get hated on for writing this, and I hope the backlash doesn’t extend beyond the verbal and digital realms of conflict.

Feeling bitter and angry right now?  Check Your Head:

“Dark is not the opposite of Light.  It is the absence of Light.”

Still feeling a little dark about this whole thing?  Lighten up.

It’s just snow porn after all.  Or is it so much more?

One Love.  Peace.

PS, even my ex-girlfriend Dani snowboarded the Grand Teton years before snowboard pioneer Jones got guided up it.  Dani’s ascent was unguided and her partner was me.  🙂

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