From Covid to Climate to Ukraine we remain skeptical about it all.
Today we look at the latest headlines on the Covid, Climate, and Ukraine shituation and take a deeper dive into the CO2 centric nonsense which was used to derail real environmentalism and is currently being used to push the bogus Great Reset Agenda.
For MOGFARTS #8 I experimented with simultaneously livestreaming on TikTok while recording the snow. It seemed to go pretty well: several thousand total viewers and likes! Hopefully I can figure out a way to share my computer screen and camera simultaneously so followers on TikTok can get the full A/V experience.
Shameless, profit-driven, paper-wasting propagandists lie to us and exploit our Wydaho communities. Let’s shut them down by hitting them where it hurts: their wallets & reputations.
Over two weeks ago the Supreme Court voted 6-3 to shoot down federal jab mandates targeting American businesses and workers. This is huge news with massive consequences, but the Jackson Hole Daily (JHD) and Jackson Hole News & Guide (JHN&G) failed to report on it until yesterday when a short blurb in their business section finally made mention of it.
Instead of letting Wydaho locals know about our legal — and human — rights to medical privacy, bodily autonomy, and freedom of choice the local paper instead uses their incessant Covid coverage to spread fear and further divide Americans by color and creed with absurd AP reprints like “New conservative target: Race as factor in COVID treatment”.
For example, recently prominent leaders in places like England, Ireland, and New York called for an end to Covid restrictions and a return to normalcy, but so far we haven’t read anything about that in local profit-driven, paper-wasting TMW products either. Instead the front page of their latest JHD weekend edition showcases the played out, inconsequential murder/suicide saga of Brain Wash (Brian Laundrie) and Small Talk (Gabby Petito). That front page also reminds readers to order their “free” (taxpayer funded) at home Covid tests from Uncle Sam, and recommends readers head on down to Teton Motors to buy a new Subaru Outback.
Of course, JHD’s Teton County Covid Doom-O-Meter is still pinned on HIGH and remains prominently displayed on the front page of every edition. For months this fear mongering has seemed absurd, but it *can* currently be justified: Teton County recently led the nation in per capita positive PCR tests. Never mind CDC stats stating that 91.4% of Teton County residents are “fully vaccinated” with the “safe and effective” Covid injections.
Never mind the good news that local and statewide hospitals are currently operating well below capacity with five of six ICU beds open in Teton County, all four ICU beds open in Lincoln County, and 91 of 136 ICU beds open statewide. Never mind the great news that the omicron variant is generally about as severe as the common cold and that Wyoming’s “covid related” death rate continues to decline despite highly suspect CDC death reporting standards and unethical financial incentives to reward reporting deaths as “covid related”.
Sadly, TMW newspapers never tell us the good news about Covid nor make any mention of the indisputable fact that the Vault and Curative PCR tests used to keep Teton County living in perpetual fear have been proven to yield misleading false positive results. TMW also fails to acknowledge how the new “Test To Stay” mandates pushing repetitive PCR testing on unvaccinated students and teachers might be further skewing the statistics locally.
The wise editors at TMW knows that Wydaho’s highly educated residents would rather learn more details about a tragic case of domestic violence involving two dead East Coast kids who used to live in a van together instead of discussing how two years of mass-mediated pandemic propaganda has directly and negatively affected our lives, community, country, and planet.
I doubt we will see much coverage of the unifying, empowering, peaceful Defeat The Mandates march in local TMW products, and am confident that any TMW coverage we do see will demonize these credentialed doctors, reputable scientists, and concerned citizens standing for health, safety, freedom, choice, and informed consent by labelling them as “anti-vaxxers”, “conspiracy theorists”, “Russian trolls”, “disinformation agents”, “racist conservatives”, and/or “domestic terrorists” spreading “dangerous medical misinformation”.
In reality, actual terrorists try to control others through fear, intimidation, guilt, shame, deception, censorship, and threats like no jab, no job mandates. Legitimately dangerous medical misinformation puts pharma profits over the health of the people, censors dissenting doctors and scientists, suppresses safe, effective, affordable treatments, and pushes unsafe, ineffective, experimental, gene altering injections upon the entire population including innocent children at little or no risk of bad Covid outcomes. By now we all know where TMW stands on the spectrum between freedom loving patriots and bona fide domestic bioterrorists spreading fear and division.
As I write this a massive “Freedom Convoy” of Canadian and American truckers opposed to jab mandates is attempting to shut down the border and Canadian capital. Mainstream publications say they are several hundred truckers taking part in the protest. Eyewitnesses claim that one of the convoys is over 40 miles long and contains tens of thousands of trucks. There has been no mention of this ongoing peaceful act of civil disobedience in TMW publications either.
Over the last two years countless doctors, scientists, concerned citizens, and even several nations have helped share suppressed truths, save millions of lives, and end the pandemic by promoting proven at home Covid treatments and assorted immunity boosting measures. Absurdly and shamefully, TMW has not found any of that information worth sharing with our Wydaho communities.
Instead TMW has spent the last two years sowing fear, division, and disinformation while profiting by pimping out our communities via their mountainous output of print media. TMW’s Covid coverage has been woefully incomplete, inaccurate, biased, and has incessantly pushed for mandatory testing, mandatory masking, and even mandatory experimental injections. TMW has repeatedly promoted so-called “solutions” which do more harm than good while completely ignoring the actual solutions that have effectively ended the pandemic — and saved the lives of countless vulnerable peeople — elsewhere.
When JHN&G staff were offered complimentary copies of a #1 on Amazon, New York Times, and Wall Street Journal bestselling book to help broaden their perspectives on Covid, none of them even bothered to reply to those emails. I know because I made that offer. I sent those emails. I wanted to buy that book for them. They have had two months to respond to my offer, but they apparently have no interest in exploring perspectives that might contradict their own opinions.
TMW treats the word of indoctrinated, vaccine-pushing pediatrician Travis “Chicken Little” Riddell like gospel and have entrusted a 20 year old college kid recently transplanted from Boston to (mis)inform our community about Covid:
The JHN&G — and parent company TMW — shamefully tasked this youngster with informing our community about the most important issue affecting all of us in myriad ways since March 2020. TMW has at least 65 employees yet most of their Covid coverage has been written by a recent transplant college kid with no degree, no credentials, relatively little life experience, and no expertise on medical matters.
Locally — and globally — the official narratives and responses to Covid have caused far more damage than the disease itself. TMW has fallen into lockstep with the destructive propaganda which cost so many Americans their lives, stifled childhood development, empowered big pharma, derailed our democracy, contributed to record drug overdoses and deaths of despair, led to rampant inflation, and destroyed countless small businesses and livelihoods while funneling an unprecedented amount of wealth to the so-called elites.
Wydaho locals have died avoidable deaths because TMW and regional health care businesses failed to follow the real science (they tru$t the $cience instead) and shamefully put profit over people and propaganda over truth. Wydaho locals have battled extended illnesses without easy access to safe, affordable, effective treatments largely because local media and health care providers continue to pretend that those treatments do not exist.
Many — perhaps even most — locals have received ineffective, experimental injections with no long term safety testing in part because TMW incessantly pushed those jabs upon our communities. All locals have suffered unnecessary fear, uncertainty, and division exacerbated by TMW’s handling of the situation.
Sadly, our local newspaper has devolved into a propaganda rag pushing a blatant profit-generating and power-consolidating agenda. When the New Nuremburg trials get underway I hope that they will be held accountable for their complicity in extortion, bioterrorism, medicalized murder, and literal crimes against humanity.
All of this prompts an obvious question: why does anybody support a local media monopoly that does much more harm than good?
TMW’s dangerously disinformative Covid coverage is just the frosty tip atop a Grand Teton of reasons why their business causes more harm than good in our communities. I think we should band together to shut them down or at the very least send them a strong message with high hopes that they apologize for their failures and made amends with our community.
Here are 5 reasons why and 5 ways you can help BOYCOTT TMW:
5 Reasons to BOYCOTT TMW
ONE: TMW is hyper commercialized, and it is leading the charge to overdevelop and exploit our Wydaho communities. If you flip through a copy of the JHD or JHN&G you can easily calculate that these “newspapers” are 60-70% advertising, predominantly full page ads selling overpriced real estate and 7-11 pages of classified ads placed by local businesses perpetually failing to find enough employees due to the lack of affordable housing.
Nationwide most local newspapers are struggling to survive, and seek to attain an advertising ratio of 40-50%. TMW newspapers are thriving with a 60-70% advertising ratio and recently reported rapid growth in overall reach and paid subscriptions. On May 19th, 2021 TMW co-owner Kevin Olson stated that subscriptions to the JHN&G were up 26% since the pandemic began and that the number of people reached per week by all TMW news products was up 51% year over year.
It would be good to see a local newspaper thriving, if they were also properly informing our community about actual solutions to the global pandemic they perpetually propagandize instead.
If you pick up any of TMW’s glossy magazines like Grand Wedding, Jackson Hole Magazine, RANGE, and Teton Family it is hard to tell the difference between the overt advertisements and the so-called articles: pretty much every page of these slick magazines is intended to sell something.
What are they selling? Well, in a nutshell, Wydaho.
This is not surprising to locals who are aware that TMW subsidiary Orijin Media is a “vertically integrated creative agency dedicated to providing impactful messaging and operational solutions to a diverse array of philanthropic and for-proﬁt organizations.” In plain English that means Orijin Media works within the “vertically integrated” TMW corporate structure to craftily promote client products, services, and PR across the spectrum of TMW products.
“Vertically integrated” is an apt description: an Orijin Media office is located upstairs of the JHN&G offices. I imagine that local organizations employing the services of Orijin Media can expect prominent and favorable coverage throughout TMW’s fleet of media products. I think we can also assume that the same applies to organizations providing consistent advertising revenue to TMW. For example, I would wager that TMW is reluctant to criticize local health care providers’ handling of the Covid situation while squirrelling away profits from full page ads extolling the virtues of our exceptionally well funded local “health heroes”.
It is no surprise that our communities are plagued by serious issues like extreme wealth inequality, loss of local character, rapid development, an out of control tourism industry, insane real estate speculation, lack of affordable housing, increasingly obnoxious traffic, an epidemic of mental illness, widespread alcoholism and drug addiction, and an apparently endless Covid pandemic when the local media monopoly profits handsomely by perpetuating these problems every single day.
TMW’s preponderance of advertising and penchant for “vertically integrated” client content clearly showcases where its priorities and allegiances actually lie: PR and propaganda over truth, profit over people, wealth over health, and realty over community.
TWO: TMW so-called “newspapers” are light on actual news, and heavy on advertising and fluff. The Jackson Hole Daily would be more accurately titled the Jackson Hole Distraction. A typical copy of the JHD contains:
two to four short articles written by TMW reporters (one to two pages total)
one opinion page of op-ed reprints from outlets like Bezo’s Washington Post
two to three pages of business/world news reprints from various wire services
one page of Ron Burgundy-esque fluff reprints disguised as news
one page of reprinted sports news
two pages of cartoons (mostly reprinted syndicated comics)
one page of syndicated horoscopes, crosswords, and sudokus
2/3rds of a page devoted to the weather AND
20+ pages of advertisements.
That breaks down to ~60-70% advertising, ~10-15% actual news, ~6% fluff news and sports, ~6% cartoons, ~3% opinion pieces, ~3% puzzles, and ~2% weather. A typical JHD has about 2x more fluff than real news, and 4-5x more advertising than real news.
It is no surprise that our community has been so misinformed about important topics like Covid when 85%-90% of our local newspaper is devoted to advertising and fluff.
THREE: TMW has an environmentally irresponsible business model, and their hypocrisy knows no bounds. TMW continuously warns us about the purported dangers of carbon pollution and pays lip service to a wide variety of environmental issues, but they are running — quite literally — the most wasteful and hypocritical business in the region.
Objectively, all TMW really does is turn oxygen producing, life sustaining trees into hyper commercialized, propagandistic trash. Even with top notch recycling programs, all paper eventually ends up being burned (which releases CO2) or rotting in a landfill (which releases methane). Paper production causes deforestation, uses enormous amounts of energy and water, and contributes to the pollution of our planet with toxic chemicals far more deadly than mere carbon-based greenhouse gases.
Most newspapers struggle to survive largely because newspapers are an obsolete and unjustifiably wasteful medium. Generally speaking, newspapers are not worth the paper they are printed on. I guarantee you’ll never see an article about THAT in the JHD.
That is A LOT of newspapers getting pumped out per day, and most of them have a shelf life shorter than the fresh fish flown in to Teton County’s bougie neighborhood markets and sushi bars. Let’s crunch some numbers shall we?
Assuming an average of 10,000 JHD’s printed per day, six days per week, 52 weeks per year that totals to ~3,120,000 copies annually. TMW’s girthier JHN&G weekly contributes another ~316,056 copies per year for a grand total of approximately 3,436,056 TMW newspapers finding their way into our trash cans, recycle bins, and fire pits annually!
Big numbers are hard to comprehend, so lets try to visualize how tall a stack of these papers would pile up. Assuming the average TMW newspaper is 1/8” thick, a stack of their annual newspaper products would be 35,792 feet tall. That is a pile of newspaper almost SEVEN MILES HIGH (6.78 miles to be precise).
For reference, the Grand Teton (elevation 13,775’) stands majestically 7,275 feet above Moose, Wyoming (elevation 6,500’). A stack of TMW’s annual newspaper waste standing in the Dornan’s parking lot would dwarf the Grand Teton, towering ~4.9X higher than the matriarch mountain of our beloved Teton Range.
Sadly, TMW’s colossal newspaper output is only a fraction of their wasteful paper use: they operate a profitable commercial printing service, and we must also factor in the mountain of glossy magazines they produce as well.
According to the TMW, they print up 22,000 copies of RANGE, 20,000 copies of Teton Family, and 10,000 copies of Grand Wedding annually for a grand total of 52,000 shiny new magazines destined for the landfill each year.
If anybody out there knows a person who can legitimately spend FOUR HOURS studying a copy of JHM, please send them my way: I could use someone like that to help organize the overflowing bins of random hardware in my shop.
All jokes aside, it seems safe to assume that at least 150,000 copies of JHM are printed up per year because TMW claims 144,000 annual readers, and we all know you can’t cough in Teton County without spewing droplets onto the crispy cover of an brand new copy of JHM.
Assuming an annual output of ~200,000 total TMW magazines and an average magazine thickness of 1/4”, we would find ourselves in the Dornan’s parking lot staring up at a shimmering 4,166 foot tall tower of glossy paper trash alongside the stack of TMW newspapers soaring 8.5X higher than that.
It bears repeating that TMW newspapers are 60-70% advertisements, and pretty much every page of TMW’s magazines are devoted to selling something. The environmental impact of all this unnecessary waste is shocking and easy to measure, but far worse are the more elusive impacts of all that hyper commercialized nonsense flowing through our Wydaho communities every damn day.
FOUR: TMW pretty much has a monopoly on local print and digital news media. After the Planet Jackson Hole newspaper faded away and folded up shop, TMW’s products became the only Jackson Hole newspapers with regional distribution and robust advertising revenue. The Star Valley Independent (SVI) and Teton Valley News (TVN) are hanging in there, but their reaches and revenues pale in comparison. For example, TVN currently has four job listings in its classified ads compared to 143 job listings in the JHD classifieds. Another example: the JHD is widely available throughout Teton, Star, and Swan Valleys but good luck tracking down a copy of the SVI in Jackson Hole.
With its “horizontal integration” acquisition of Buckrail, TMW took over their competitor local online news source. Fortunately, citizen journalists creatively utilizing social media are picking up the slack, but many of us are being shadowbanned, deplatformed, and otherwise censored by big tech.
Our communities would obviously benefit from more competition, accountability, and diversity in the local news media. Sadly, we’ve got a monopolistic situation on our hands and in our heads instead.
We all know that monopolies are bad, but it is hard to quantify just how bad monopolies really are and how long their negative impacts can persist. For example, our grandchildren *might* fully comprehend how monopolistic tech companies like Google are shaping our world today, unless — of course — Google is able to twist the narrative away from widespread emergence of that awareness within our collective consciousness. Currently, TMW’s local monopoly on news media is twisting our collective consciousness away from an assortment of crucial awarenesses including the existence of safe, effective, affordable, at home Covid treatments.
(Un)fortunately, history provides us with an illuminating example of just how dangerous, destructive, and devolutionary monopolies truly can be: John D. Rockefeller’s Standard Oil and American Medical Association monopolies. That history is included at the end of this article for any readers with a sincere interest in breaking free from the utter madness brought on by the many monopolies currently holding our world hostage.*
FIVE: TMW exemplifies and exacerbates the collective insanity afflicting our Wydaho communities. Amidst advertisements for private jets and $15,000,000 vacation homes with heated driveways, TMW incessantly tells us that we’re all going to die — any day now! — due to CO2-centric climate change. When they’re not running ads encouraging the world to “STAY WILD” by vacationing in Wydaho, TMW tells us to “STAY SAFE” by acquiescing to mandatory masks, tests, and injections. When they’re not bashing backcountry skiers for allegedly upsetting bighorn sheep, TMW drives the overdevelopment that is truly destroying our local ecosystems.
TMW tells the rest of Wyoming it will have to learn to get by without revenue from coal, oil, and gas, but shamelessly and endlessly promotes the most unsustainable, wasteful, and offensive industry of all: luxury resort tourism. Well, maybe the war industry and big pharma are more offensive, but don’t worry: TMW actively supports those industries too. The absurdity of it all boggles the mind.
TMW claims to provide our communities with the news, but in reality it is a hypocritical, profit-driven propaganda outlet spreading power-consolidating, fear-based disinformation. The introduction to this article already said as much but it bears repeating to hammer home the point:
Yes, we can trust TWM to reliably ignore any truth that threatens any of their excellent partnerships within the corporate community. That is what their business is designed to do, and their Covid coverage has shown us that TMW clearly values profit over people, wealth over health, propaganda over truth, and realty over community..
So now what? Well, here are…
6 Ways We All Can Help BOYCOTT TMW
Stop subscribing to the JHN&G and stop buying that “newspaper”. It is not worth the paper it is printed on and is certainly not worth the paper in our wallets and purses. Cancelled subscriptions send a strong message.
Stop advertising in TMW products. In the era of digital information there is absolutely no need for a local daily newspaper containing 20+ pages of ads. There is even less need for a fleet of magazines that are essentially all ads. Local businesses have a variety of ways to promote themselves and find employees that do not involve wasting paper or spreading propaganda.
Stop letting TMW distribute at your business. The JHD is distributed at 750 locations throughout the region. Ironically, many of these businesses have been negatively affected by TMW’s incessant pandemic propaganda. If local business owners start telling TMW that their products are no longer welcome that will send a strong message.
Recycle TMW products. Most TWM magazines and newspapers are distributed for free. As such, it is quite easy for and of us to help expedite their journey into the recycling bin.
Encourage others to join the movement. Sharing this article on social media or via email is one easy way to get the word out. Wydaho locals have a strong sticker game as well: we can use our imaginations and sense of humor to take down the local media monopoly. Better yet, talking with friends, neighbors, and business owners throughout the community about boycotting TMW will help us reclaim our collective grasp on reality and to retain the character of our communities instead of further falling victim to the profit-driven propagandists at TMW.
Support real local media that put truth over PR and people over profit. Instead of placing a classified ad in the JHD, give the SVI or TVN a try: your ad will get a lot more attention when it is not lost in a sea of commercial spray. Better yet, support local independent journalists and activists who speak out on the issues that really matter. You can help inspire me and fund my efforts by clicking the button below:Subscribe now
Change starts from within, and one person can make a difference. The next time you see a TMW product I encourage you to really study it and ask yourself, “Is this really what we want for Wydaho?”
If your answer is no, recycle a stack of them, slap up some stickers, and speak up. We’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. One love. Peace.
*As promised above here is a…
BRIEF HISTORY ON THE BLATANT BADNESS OF MONOPOLISTIC BUSINESS PRACTICES
Like TMW, John D. Rockefeller utilized “vertical integration” to build his Standard Oil monopoly: by gaining control of oil production, processing, transportation, marketing, and sales his profits and powers grew immensely. Like TMW, Rockefeller also used “horizontal integration” to build his monopoly: he bought up his competition until he owned over 90% of businesses associated with the oil industry in the United States.
Throughout the late 19th Century, Rockefeller utilized similar monopolistic business practices to gain control of much of the coal industry and several large media outlets. Over the decades Rockefeller and fellow robber barons like J.P. Morgan and Andrew Carnegie became so wealthy and powerful that their influences permeated throughout government, finance, media, education, and thus society as a whole. In those relatively lawless times while the US Army slaughtered and rounded up the Native Americans, the robber barons had an assortment of options to buy out or eliminate any person, politician, corporation, or organization that stood in the way of their quests for godlike powers and astronomical profits.
The robber barons’ monopolistic corporate empires were largely built upon oil and coal profits, so around 1901 when visionary genius Nikola Tesla attempted to bring a cleaner, cheaper, better energy system online he was promptly shut down by the robber barons. Tesla’s discoveries have been suppressed for generations to protect business interests and to avoid upsetting the “artificial scarcity” economic system underpinning modern civilization.
To this day the vast majority of people have been misinformed and do not realize that Tesla figured out how to tap into the gigantic battery built into our beautiful planet. Tesla developed technology to harness that energy and strove to broadcast wireless electricity “too cheap to meter” around the globe.
In a nutshell, earth itself is the negative (-) battery terminal, the ionosphere is the positive (+) battery terminal, and lightning is the most obvious example of what happens when the air gap between those terminals gets bridged. You can prove this concept yourself at home with a car battery and metal coat hanger (wear rubber gloves!), or you can just ride your bike up to Dornan’s, sit on the deck with a margarita, and watch what happens atop the Grand Teton when a big cumulus cloud rolls through and bridges the atmospheric air gap on an August afternoon.
Like so-called “fossil fuels”, Tesla’s proposed energy system presented problems of its own, but we certainly would not be worried about carbon emissions, oil spills, air pollution, frack fluids, or endless global energy wars if the monopolistic robber barons like Rockefeller and Morgan had not suppressed the free market of flourishing ideas 120 years ago. The world we live in today would be drastically different if not for the influence of the oil and gas monopolies of the late 19th century.
Fortunately, in 1911 the US Government finally broke up Rockefeller’s Standard Oil monopoly, but it was one of those “too little, too late” situations. Unfortunately, Rockefeller had an insatiable hunger for power and profit, and he had already set his sights on building a much less obvious but equally dangerous, destructive, and devolutionary monopoly via his “philanthropic contributions” to American medicine.
By the turn of the 20th century, organic chemists were fascinated by petrochemicals and had begun developing a variety of new compounds from oil. Rockefeller saw the potential to develop medicines from petroleum as a huge opportunity to spread his oil monopoly into the existing medical and emerging petrochemical industries. From a business perspective petrochemicals were ideal because Rockefeller already controlled oil, and synthetic medicines could be patented, marketed as the latest and greatest scientific advances, and sold far more profitably than naturally occurring medicines.
At the time, natural and herbal medicines — like marijuana — were the gold standard of American healthcare, and many medical colleges were teaching doctors a holistic approach to healthcare. Rockefeller — shrewd businessman that he was — realized that he would have to get rid of the competition to monopolize the medical industry.
In 1910 he hired an “expert” named Abraham Flexner who submitted a report to Congress concluding that the holistic approach to medicine was unscientific quackery. Flexner called for the standardization of medical education, whereby only the Rockefeller-funded American Medical Association (AMA) would be authorized to license American medical schools.
Congress passed new laws based on the Flexner Report, and Rockefeller joined forces with Andrew Carnegie. Together they financed medical schools under the strict condition that these schools only teach allopathic (aka Rockefeller) medicine. Via so-called “philanthropic contributions” Rockefeller and Carnegie used their wealth and power to remove any inclination towards herbal medicine, natural medicine, and holistic medicine from the curriculum of American medical schools.
Rockefeller supported his growing monopoly with targeted smear campaigns in the corporate media against what was now incorrectly labeled “alternative medicine”. In reality, petrochemical-pushing allopathic medicine — the precursor to modern vaccine pushing, drug dealing, “too big to fail” big pharma — was the unproven alternative to time tested medical traditions, but we all know how easy it is for experienced PR people to flip a narrative entirely on its head. Medical philosophies, techniques, and treatments which had served humanity well for decades if not centuries were raked through the muck of yellow journalism, and within a few years the “pill for an ill” approach to medicine replaced centuries of established medical wisdom.
A century ago the brave, independent doctors who did not go along with the dominant Rockefeller/Carnegie narrative were demonized, censored, unlicensed, attacked, jailed, and even murdered for opposing the push towards a more profitable and power-consolidating approach to the practice of medicine. Today not much has changed, aside from the growing awareness that pharmaceutical and vaccine centric medicine is an incomplete, ineffective, and unnecessarily expensive approach at best.
At worst, Rockefeller medicine is quite deadly and causes more American bankruptcies than any other industry.
It is no surprise that the propagandists at TMW are still pushing Rockefeller medicine on our people to this day: like big pharma and other monopolies throughout history TMW puts profit over people, wealth over health, and propaganda over truth. Boycott!
Every time you ring the alarm an angel gets its wings...
Yesterday I stood high in the mountains atop a wind-whipped rock outcrop when inspiration *licked* me like a lightning-kissed Tesla tower.
I was resting on skis and pondering why perfectly serviceable girlfriends consistently skedaddle when a guy like me makes a concerted effort to prevent burning of the bottom,…
…to protect our immediate environment from the offending odors of ruination,…
…and to disintegrate at least some of the clumpy scum consolidating at the top…
…by stirring up and *lightly* seasoning that long simmering brew, our societal stew of collective consciousness.
So there I was bro, gazing out upon the glorious absurdity of the world, and, full truth told, now wondering if jerking off would be worth the frozen appendages — perhaps a sacrificial “sticky mitten” might be in order — when suddenly an internal-monologue-silencing vision of beauty came into view as she crested the ridge below me.
And there she was sis, a backcountry queen beyond comparison confidently striding up my solitary skin track with a sly grin upon her perfectly proportioned and endearingly sunburned visage.
Her eyes were hidden behind a tantalizing pair of Pit Vipers, and her strong yet unmistakably feminine form was adorned in a flowing digital camo 3 layer GORE-TEX onesie. Ohhhhh, to be a microscopic organism soaking up all the smells inside that blessed fart bag!
Words failed me, yet my mind raced through its memory banks for an image to describe her gorgeous essence. Art. Classical art. Timeless art. Could she be Venus on the half shell?!
Close… but not quite right!
I studied her as she smoothly piloted a splitboard up amongst the cornices. She was most certainly NOT the slender waif immortalized by Botticelli. Bulging quads and shapely shoulders showcased her strength. A modern Venus, no, but surely her spliff-smokin’, squat-jumpin’, gymnastically gifted goddess of a sister.
I steadied myself as she approached, for fear of falling head over heels into the abyss, and didn’t even dare to attempt speaking in my bewildered state.
Upon arrival, she reached into her breast pocket, pulled out a perfect origami heart folded from two sheets of standard white printer paper, and handed it to me.
As I focused on carefully unwrapping her precious package, my tongue momentarily regained enough fluidity to ask, “What’s this?”
“It’s a fax,” she replied. “Intercepted en route to the Exum Mountain Guides office.”
“A fax?! Who still sends a fax?!?” I asked.
“Just read it,” she replied. “All your questions will be answered within. You’ll know what to do with it.”
I continued carefully unfolding her paper heart, held it up against the wind, and glanced at the header:
TO: Exum Mountain Guides
Attn: Glenn Exum, FOUNDER and CEO
FROM: Gerald Pozer
FOUNDER and CEO, GLOBOCORPSE INTERNATIONAL
A fax for Glenn Exum!
Dated last week!
But… but… but…
…he’s been dead since March 17th, 2000! Rest in peace, Glenn.
Now far beyond intrigued, I turned my eyes towards the last known location of the backcountry beauty beyond compare…
…but she was gone.
My eyes followed her gracefully undulating track back down the snowy ridge. I caught a glimpse — just a glimpse — as she sent it off a frozen wave of wind-sculpted snow and spun, sooooooo gracefully, down and out of sight.
I let out couple coyote yips, stuffed the fax into my own pocket, looked down at my skis, and confirmed that climbing skins were still attached. My hopes for a hot pursuit? Imploded. But a simultaneous hope sprung up for her imperceptibly silent and unbelievably swift splitboard transition had squealed the deal in my soul.
And there I stood bro, sis, fam, madly in love with life. Thoroughly and teasingly licked by the most compelling feeling of all: divine inspiration.
Yes, I enjoyed a bonafied experienca espiritual, and just like that: POOF! Back to reality…
The frantic thought of ripping skins, putting that mitten back into my pack, and following her track invaded my mind again, but I knew that would be a rookie move. If she wanted to ride together she would have waited. Plus, I have respect for everyone out there alone in the mountains, whatever their mission might be.
I smiled a whole lot. Took in the view and a bunch of deep breathes. Then the wind died down to nuthin’, and I slurped up the D from all that afternoon sun on my face.
It was so pleasant that I figured well heck and stomped out a comfy little bench right there in the snow. Flipped my skis over and sat down on the supple climbing skins, lounged way back against my warm pack, loosened my boots, and unzipped my trousers all the way…
Then I reached down, whipped out the crumpled fax, and read it aloud to the conspiracy of ravens circling overhead…
TO: Exum Mountain Guides
Attn: Glenn Exum, FOUNDER and CEO
FROM: Gerald Pozer, FOUNDER and CEO, GLOBOCORPSE INTERNATIONAL
Glen! Old buddy! Old pal! It’s Jerry Pozer! I hope you remember our trip up the Grand Teton together back in the summer of ’69. You guided my first wife Ethel and I up there when we were building our third of many homes in Jackson Hole. I’m sure she would ask me to wish you well, but, tragically, she passed away shortly before our divorce was finalized back in ’82. Whew!
It’s great to see that your guide service is still growing, and I bet you’re leading the charge more than ever before! Like myself, you must be taking advantage of life extension technologies. Who knew that the blood of newborns could be so invigorating?! Transfusions are great, but, just between me and you, drinking it is better than a prune juice and vodka enema!
Here at GLOBOCORPSE INTERNATIONAL we’ve had a team monitoring your growing partnership with AMER SPORTS, and their subsidiary Arc’teryx. This Arc’terycx Academy program you’ve got going sets a great precedent, and it could become so much more!
We know that you’re expanding your partnership with AMER to launch the Arc’teryx Trips program next summer. Again, a great idea and a great development in OUR National Park System. You are blazing new trails, as usual Glen, and on behalf of everyone here at GLOBOCORPSE I’m proud to congratulate the latest in your long line of successes.
Let me lay off the kiss ass and cut to the chase here, Glenn. I know you’re a man who appreciates brevity just as much as I love money and power. Your respected guide service has opened a new door for corporate partnership with and within OUR National Parks.
We’d like you to consider doing business with us as well, Glenn. We encourage you to deepen your relationship with Arc’teryx, and are merely looking to help facilitate that partnership and many similar partnerships in OUR National Parks.
Access for elderly, obese, handicapped, idiotic, and absurdly wealthy people is almost non-existent in the wilderness areas of OUR National Parks. Let’s be honest here, Glen, you could share the beauty of the Grand Teton Mountains with so many more people if you let GLOBOCORPSE help you help the people get “radical” in the backcountry.
You will be able to guide and mentor a lot more customers once your office is located right there at the Lupine Meadows trailhead, and that’s why we’re willing to work with you to make that a reality. We’ve already lobbied Congress to designate the new Lupine Meadows Village mixed use commercial/residential district, and this is your chance to get in — rent free — not just on the ground floor but also owning a dozen condos above your new Exum Academy business complex. We’ll even strap a climbing wall to the side of your building, so you can sell Teton climbing experiences 50 steps from several of the finest restaurant chains in America.
Of course, the new Lupine Meadows Village will be competing with that rundown dump at Teton Village, so we are also lobbying to construct a bigger, better aerial tram to the summit of Teewinot Mountain. It will be just like that one they’ve got there in Chamonix, France but incorporating the latest and safest technologies to whisk 200 visitors up to the top of the Tetons every 15 minutes! “Exum Mountain Resort” could be the name of OUR new ski area, if you’ll be kind enough to sign on for it, Glenn.
Another partner already bought the rights to the Teewinot Tramway summit restaurant, but Exum could get a piece of the action at some other food concessions in Cascade Canyon, up Glacier Gulch, and at the Lower Saddle.
Of course, it would not be sufficiently inclusive if visitors to OUR Parks only had access to Teewinot Mountain, so we’ve had GLOBOCORPSE R&D working on a suite of technologies to assist folks seeking an even more “extreme” experience with Exum.
Last winter we patented our Automatic Skinning System (ASS) and several industry leading ski companies are ready to deploy the product. We want Exum to show the world what ASS skiing is all about, and what better place to do it than in the crucible of North American mountaineering.
Here at GLOBOCORPSE we know the importance of conservation (to keep the greenies happy), and that’s why ASS skis are totally electric: zero carbon emissions! You just strap em’ on, set the autopilot to the peak of your choice, and the GPS built into your ASS selects the safest and most scenic route to the summit. Instead of employing dozens of unreliable and overpaid guides, one technician will be able to monitor your entire ASS rental fleet simultaneously.
Of course, ASS only solves winter access issues and most visitors cannot ski, so GLOBOCORPSE has also been developing the Mountain Ascent Xtremely Intelligent Personal Access Drone (MAXIPAD) system. Helicopter tours of the Tetons are already gaining approval, and our fleet of fully electric MAXIPAD quadcopters will provide a greener, quieter alternative assuring that everyone can get everywhere any time of year in the comfort and safety of a climate controlled personal access drone.
Our friends in the military industrial complex have taken a special interest in our new MAXIPAD system, and several branches of NATO have expressed interest in partnering with Exum as well. The great water wars of the 21st century will be waged in remote mountain terrain against isolated pockets of terrorist resistance, and that’s why we’re hoping Exum will help train the next generation of American heroes in all aspects of alpine warfare.
A new military training facility is slated for construction within the upcoming Antelope Flats National Security Annex, and, let me tell you Glenn, these military contracts are where the money really starts flowing! Just ask your friends at Arc’teryx: their Law Enforcement Armed Forces (LEAF) line of outerwear and equipment has been a boon to their business in recent years.
Of course all these developments will require the latest and greatest in wireless technology, and that’s why our telecommunications providers will be constructing hundreds of small cell 5G towers throughout the wilderness backcountry. We will name these installations to honor pioneers of Teton mountaineering and conservation.
Once the internet of things is installed in Grand Teton Park all of your guides will be able to check on conditions and update their social media statuses instantaneously and seamlessly. Autonomous drones following all traditionally guided groups will assure the utmost level of safety and commercial viability is provided to your clients at all times. As an added bonus, you can sell the drone footage so clients can relive their magical Teton experience over and over again from the comfort of their homes.
The next Yvonne Choinard, Doug Thompkins, Stephen Koch, or — dare I say — Glenn Exum could be an overweight gamer from Toledo, Ohio, but their potential will be squandered unless Exum helps GLOBOCORPSE help the people gain unrestricted and inclusive access to the wilderness backcountry in OUR National Parks. It’s no exaggeration when I say that the world needs you, Glenn, now more than ever before.
The owners of several other concessions in Teton Park have already approached GLOBOCORPSE about a partnership, but we want to work with Exum. All you have to do to assure your continued successes is sign on with us.
The clock is tickin’ Glenn!
All the best,
So it seems the backcountry beauty beyond compare was correct: a horrendous precedent had been set, the corporate whores were lining up to get in the door, and I knew exactly what to do.
Every time you ring the alarm an angel gets its wings...